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Last Updated: 11-Jun-2008
This page will grow as more questions are answered. Please feel free to ask a question of me at any time at bent.signup@gmail.com and I'll do my best to respond to your questions and suggestions. -- Dana (Black Orchid)
Topic: The Legalities of Sex at BENT
Has BENT ever been busted by the Police for anything?Nope. The police on patrol near the venue once saw someone in kinky gear on the alleyway, so they checked us out. They came in, asked some questions, took down my name, home address, phone number and the address for the BENT web site and walked out, reassuring us that they were just seeing what was going on. They never followed up, and I didn't expect them to.
Besides, I dunno what we'd be busted for. We're so carefully standing on the correct side of the law that any police would be foolish to try to charge anybody there for anything. (See below for more information.) It really is both legal and safe to have the kind of party I'm running without police harassment. Some people just can't seem to believe it.
Did I mention that I'm a member of the Toronto Police Services LGBT Community Consultation Committee? They're not just consulting me, as a representative of the 'B' (bisexuals) in the queer community. I'm consulting them, too.
Who did you consult about the legalities of running a play party that included sex on site? I have spoken with several lawyers, a couple of police officers familiar with worries of breaking laws around sex (queer liaison), the people and lawyers who were deeply involved in the legal battle over the charges against the Toronto Women's Bathhouse Committee in 2001 (which won on both the civil charges and the complaint to the Human Rights Committee), and several police officers with whom I'm personally acquainted. See my note above about the Toronto Police Services committee I'm on as well.
The legal background, as I understand it.In 2005 a pair of cases in the Supreme Court of Canada were won. The case of R. vs Labaye served as precedent and a second case from the same day, R. vs. Kouri followed to confirm the first ruling. I highly recommend reading the full text of the judgements in these links. I found them very informative and useful in developing an understanding of how the laws changed.
These sex clubs won their cases because the people attending could consciously choose whether or not to enter sexualized space. There was a barrier between the two spaces. There was a sign indicating that the space behind it was sexual space. There was no harm coming to the community at large as a result of those people getting it on. In other words, it was expected that people were adults and could decide for themselves if they wanted to be in sexualized space rather than having the law choose for them. I feel very fortunate to live in this country and culture with these values and freedoms relating to sexuality and sexual expression.
What about the Bawdy House Laws? From a legal standpoint, play parties that might include sex do not meet the criteria to be charged under the Bawdy House laws. There is no direct exchange of money for sex or sexual contact or services. The rest of the details of the law are built around the idea of someone profiting from money being exchanged for sex.
What safeguards are in place at BENT to reduce the risk of there being any trouble? For BENT, I've put in place a number of safeguards to stay well within the law:
- There is no alcohol served at all. This avoids police coming in on the potential for laying alcohol-related charges that may include indecent acts, nudity, sexual activity, etc.
- Those arriving MUST be on a pre-registered guest list. Rules are included in the registration information to ensure that people are well informed of the liberal nature of the rules.
- Waivers are signed on entry that indicate that people are aware of there being sexual activity in designated areas. This avoids the possibility that police could enter the venue unannounced or undercover, should any complaint be made.
- There is a sign where people enter and register, telling people that there is sexual activity upstairs. Those activities are not visible from either the entrance door or anywhere downstairs. There is another sign at the stairway that goes upstairs just in case they missed the first one.
Is there still any risk at all that police would come into BENT and charge someone for having sex there? There is still some possibility that someone could be charged with assault or inflicting bodily harm. Generally speaking, most law enforcement officers couldn't care less about our play parties as long as they aren't generating complaints from the community around us due to noise, public nudity, etc., which is a risk we've always run, even before sex was permitted at BENT.
Topic: Sexual Etiquette Upstairs
Will I be expected to have sex at BENT? Kink relationships are some of the most powerful and intimate. When that is mixed with the powerful intimacy of sexual passion, it is sometimes a beautiful thing just to bear witness to that kind of connection. Those who allow others to witness it are often inspired and energized by what they've seen, especially when it works well. Those who are energized by being seen take that home to more private pleasures that strengthen the intimacy in their relationships. What you decide is up to you. I'm not advocating for people to include sex in play at play parties. We all have our own comfort levels. I'm simply informing and advocating for allowing people the space to attend events where they have the choice to do so if they wish.
Can I watch people having sex at BENT? Sure! People wouldn't have sex at a party if they didn't expect people could see them. Some of them are doing it there just so they can be watched, which adds spice to the experience for them. Even so, we ask that you keep a respectful distance (about six feet away). Please try not to intrude on other people's space. Keeping a distance is particularly respectful if you intend to pleasure yourself while watching.
Please do not join activities in progress unless you are specifically invited to do so by the participants. The DM staff is asked to be watchful of this particular type of misconduct, but you are ultimately responsible for your own safety. If someone tries to join in and wasn't invited, please speak up and let someone near you know that the person is not welcome and to get a DM. We'll gladly step in and remove the cad who tried to horn in on your action. That sort of behaviour will absolutely NOT be tolerated.
I want to do something sexual at BENT but I didn't bring any condoms/lube/gloves. Can you help? We will assume you are consenting adults who know the risks associated with unprotected sex. However, just in case you aren't prepared and wish you were, we've got you covered. Upstairs at every BENT, you'll find a supply of these things available for your use. Both latex and non-latex gloves are available. Don't know where to find them? Just ask the DM on duty (wearing a red sash). We sometimes have dental dams. If you want a quick substitute for one, either cut a condom in half lengthwise or ask our food volunteer downstairs in the kitchen for about 12 inches/1 foot/30cm of plastic wrap, which is perfectly serviceable in a pinch. Next time you are somewhere that offers safer sex education, remember BENT. It's a place like that, which donated these supplies. Enjoy!
How can we be courteous about cleaning up after our body fluids in shared sexual space? Upstairs at every BENT, you'll find a supply of blue absorbent pads. Don't know where to find them? Just ask the DM on duty (wearing a red sash). It is strongly encouraged that you arrange to have an absorbent pad underneath you, as a courtesy to others who might want to use the space you were just in. Please dispose of them in the garbage pail supplied.
I invite you to contact me if you have any questions about this, or if you have information that you feel should be included or altered.
Dana (Black Orchid)
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